Purple Spotted Snizzle Whiffs
by Scorpiogrl
Summary: Hermione has contracted a rare and highly contagious wizarding disease. What's worse is that she's give it to the two men she fancies. Now they've been isolated in Grimmauld place for an entire month. What's a girl to do? RL/HG/SB. M for later chapters.


A/N: Alright. This is to be my first threesome fic and I'm going to try my hardest to make it so that it doesn't become a PWP. I'm planning to do the story day by day through the month so it should end up being around 30 chapters plus the epilogue. I won't be able to update quickly due to the other stories and plot bunnies pushing me around but I will do my best not to drop of the face of the earth. Lastly please don't expect this story to show the same level of seriousness and level of plot development that I try to have in my other stories.

Disclaimer - Anything you recognize doesn't belong to me, otherwise you wouldn't recognize it then would you. Also I would like to point out the fact that I have a terrible memory therefore if you see something that is very similar to another fic. that you've read it is possible that I've read the story that had whatever it is that you've seen and had it stick in my mind even after I've forgotten that actual story. Ok now that all that is done with, ON WITH THE STORY!

**~ Day One ~**

Hermione Granger was late, late for a most important date. It was the middle of July and she was supposed to be meeting up with the Weasleys and Harry in Diagon Alley today after a vacation with her parents. She hadn't seen the boys in weeks and she had been too excited to sleep the night before, or at least too excitied to fall asleep at a decent hour and instead had passed out sometime in the early morning hours. Hermione's parents, trusting that their responsible daughter could get herself up in plently of time, had left for work leaving and exhausted Hermione soundly asleep in her bed. So soundly, in fact, that she didn't wake up when her alarm went off. Turns out that she didn't wake up until many hours after her noisy alarm clock had met an untimely end from Crookshank's annoyed claws.

"Mmn, Crooks stop that, I'm not ready to get up yet." Hermione grudgingly sat up in her bed when she realized that her cat was not going to stop pouncing on her toes. Seeing her alarm clock nowhere in sight she reached for her wand and lazily cast a spell.

"Accio alarm clock." Not surprised in the least when the missing time piece flew out from under her bed Hermione caught it with practiced ease and looked at the face to find out what time it was.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, IT"S ALREADY NOON , OH NO I'M SO LATE!" Vaulting out of the bed Hermione dashed for her closet, grabbing her trunk along the way. She haphazardly tossed in some day to day clothing, not really bothering to check and make sure anything matched. To that she added a pile of absolutely essential book, though to her credit this part of her packing was done in a much more dignified fashion then the clothing that had preceded it.

"Crooks, carrier, now." She was never more glad that her familiar was half-kneazle then at that moment as he obeyed her and slid pompously into his carrier which she closed with a slam, earning her a nasty glare from her cat. Muttering very unHermione like obscenities under her breath she snatched her wand from the covers of her bed, shrunk her trunk, grabbed the cat carrier and apparated out of her room with a loud POP.

"Oi! You best watch were you're going young lady! Clear about landed on my head you did!" Despite the verbose complaining coming from the witch that she had nearly landed on, Hermione payed her absolutely no mind as she ducked out of the alleyway that she had apparated into. She also subsequently ignored the hissing coming for the cat carrier as it was jostled along on the unevenly paved road as she dashed through the crowds searching desperately for the sight of a familiar head of blazing red hair.

"Ugh, how could oversleep that long, they've probably given up on me and left by now, I'm so stupid, four hours!" Hermione groaned and grumbled to herself, almost on the verge of tears when she finally caught sight of a crowd of ginger hair. The sight of perpetually messy black hair right in the middle of it filled her with joy and she made quick work of the yards of space between her and her adopted family. Just as she was about to reach them a rather sloppily dressed wizard ran smack into her and nearly knocked her off of her feet, a hand shot out and was the only think that kept her from a assuredly painful meeting with the ground. She was rather offended as he didn't even stop to apologise to her for nearly running her down but had merely looked at her rather aghastly from beneath the lowered bill of his cap before running off again. Brushing off her clothes she decided that she must not be completely awake yet as she would swear that his barely visible skin had been covered with purple spots.

"There you are Hermione! About bloody time too. Ouch mum! What was that for?" She promptly forgot all about the rude wizard at the sound of her red-haired best friend's voice. She looked up just in time to see him rubbing his head from where Molly Weasley had more then likely just smacked him. Harry and the Twins were sniggering at him quietly while trying not to draw the Weasley Matron's ire in their direction.

"Watch your language Ronald Weasley, I didn't raise you to talk like that! Hermione dear, are you alright, we were about to get worried that something had happened to you?" Hermione was warmed by both the love she felt for this family and by the blush that had begun to stain her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Weasley I overslept and must not have heard my alarm!" Hermione's stammered apology was cut short as a shout was heard from further up the street announcing that a surprise street wide sale had just begun in honor of some wizarding celebrity's birthday. Chaos immediately broke out as everyone, the Weasleys and respective adopted Weasley's included, dashed for their favorite stores in order to partake in the good prices.

Several hours later an even more flustered Hermione emerged from Flourish and Blott's with her purse much lighter and her book collection much fuller. Looking around she was once again dismayed to find herself without a ginger in sight.

"Bark! Bark!" Hermione let out an embarrassingly girlish scream of surprise at the sudden and unexpected sound of a small dog barking. Whirling around she discovered not an actual dog but instead the minute and silvery form of Ron's patronus. The little terrier bounced around and nipped at her heels until she kneeled down to it's level.

"Hermione, none of us were brave enough to tear you away from half-priced books so we've decided to go on and head back to Number 12. Hurry up over there and meet us over here, Harry and I haven't seen you all summer and we've loads to catch up on." Unable to stop the grin that spead over her face Hermione straightened back up as the little dog vanished in a whisp of smoke. She shrank her new purchases and strolled over to a nearly by alley, gripped her wand and for the second time that day, disappeared with a POP.

She reappeared in an inconspicuous neighborhood in front of a equally inconspicuous door. Even though none of the occupants of the house were in dire danger any longer they did desire privacy. Wasting no time she walked right up to the door and opened it without so much as a glance at the doorbell or the thought of a knock, the knowledge of her welcome was indisputable in her mind. Stepping into the hall she closed the door behind her and quickly let her now highly irritated and grumpy cat out, or at least what she assumed was her cat, all she had seen was a streak of angry orange shoot off down the hall. No sooner had she stood back up when she was swept up into a pair of strong arms twirled in a circle.

"Sirius!" Laughing along with the dark-haired man who held her Hermione hoped that he would blame the heat outside as the cause for her flushed face. It was one of her most closely kept secrets that she suffered from a long crush on the mischievious Marauder and she guitily fantasized about him late at night when she was alone in bed. Unfortunately enough for her he was in a loving relationship with the other person that Hermione fancied.

"Stop hogging the girl and give someone else a turn you dog." Hermione's blush deepened as Remus pried her out of Sirius's arms and wrapped her tightly in his own. Not being subjected to mad whirling she was able to hug back properly this time and tried not to feel like a complete slut has she breathed in his unique scent and felt herself warm noticebly in her lower regions. She felt Remus tense and for a truly horrible moment she thought that she had been discovered but when he drew back from her his smile was as warm as it had ever been.

"Welcome back Hermione, we've missed you." Remus's slightly raspy voice thrilled her and she struggled for a moment before she was able to speak normally.

"I've missed you both terribly as well, as well as everyone else. I'm so glad that you've invited me to come and stay." Hermione smiled brillently at both of them and was rewarded by getting to see one of Sirius's true smiles, though admittedly they were becoming more frequent since he and Remus had come out about their relationship and Harry had moved in.

"Off course we invited you, how would we survive without our favorite little bookworm." Sirius's voice was just a tad deeper then Remus's and Hermione could just hear it being used to whisper naughty things to her in the dark. Hermione was so busy ducking her eyes due to her embarrassing thoughts that she missed the look that Remus shot his lover over her head, she only glanced back up at him as he began to speak.

"Yes of course. I'm sure that everyone else is just as excited to see you as we are Hermione. They're already in the dining room, Molly has really outdone herself tonight and we were just waiting on you before getting started. Why don't you go on ahead while I have a word with this mutt." Sirius, of course, protested to being called a mutt and their playful banter followed Hermione out of the hall in into the dining room where it was drowned out by the simply overwhelming racket of the Weasley brood all shoved into one room with food on the table.

"Right! There's Hermione, let's eat." Completely ignoring his mother's dissaproving noises Ron and his brothers wasted no times in piling food onto their plates. Shrugging helplessly, but with a loving and indulgent smile on her face, Mrs. Weasley followed their example as soon as Hermione had sat down at the end of the table next to the two empty places meant for the two missing men. She had just started nibbling on a piece of roast when they finally joined them at the table. Hermione had been contently soaking up the welcomingly chaotic atmosphere when Harry's quiet voice cut through the noise like a hot knife through butter.

"Hermione, why are you covered with purple spots?" Hermione looked up from her plate with an expression of complete perplexion on her face to see everyone but the questioning Harry looking at her in complete horror. A shocked second passed and then the room exploded into movement, with all of the Weasleys jumping back away from the table so fast that more then one chair hit the floor. Before Hermione could react Mrs. Weasley had grabbed Harry's arm and promptly apparated out of the room shortly followed by a series of loud POPs as all the other redheads followed suit. Mouth agape, Hermione was left sitting at a now empty table with the exception of Remus and Sirius who while still looking rather aghast at least had not fled her presense.

"Wh…what just happened?" Her voice seemed to snap them out of whatever it was that had been holding them immoble and they glanced around the dining room, Sirius with amusement and Remus with weary acceptance.

"We've been isolated and are now cut off from the rest of the world for a month." Remus's quiet voice fell on Hermione's disbelieving ears.

"What! Why? What is the bloody hell is going on?" Not knowing was something that Hermione did not usually experience but she couldn't for the life of her understand what was going on or what Remus had meant, and she wasn't handling it well.

"Calm down sweetheart, here I'll show you." Hermione just looked on with confusion as Sirius reached into his pocked and pulled out a small mirror. She recognized it as one half of the set of communication mirrors that he had lent to Harry. He handed it to her and gestured for her to look into it. Glancing at her reflection Hermione noted that small purple dots now adorned her pale skin, obviously Fred and George had been up to something. She handed the mirror back to Sirius, now looking more annoyed then confused.

"So the Twins played a prank, that's still now excuse for everyone but the two of you just up and vanishing." This time she saw the look that the two men exchanged and realized that she was missing something important. Her theory was proven true when Remus explained the real reason behind the chaos that had abrubtly ended what was turning out to be a pretty normal evening.

"It's not a prank Hermione, you are carrying an extremely contagious and rare wizarding disease called the Purple Spotted Snizzle Whiffs." Seeing the questioning gleam in her eyes, Remus held up a hand to stop the onslaught of questions that no doubt would have flew from her mouth. He settled back into his chair and steepled his hands together, choosing to ignore the highly amused look that Sirius gave him as he went into what his lover called, 'teacher mode'.

"The Purple Spotted Snizzle Whiffs, or PSSWs, are a widely feared wizarding disease. While it is neither a fatal nor debilitating disease it is regarded as a serious one. This is due to the fact that during it's contagious stage, which lasts an entire month from the time of contraction, is is capable of being transferred both through physical contact and inhalation. Since the first symptom, the purple spots, show up about four hours after contact it is most likely that you bumped into somebody who had the disease while you where shopping in Diagon Alley. You then gave it to us when we greeted you in the hall. I'm assuming that since only Sirius and I remained here with you that we were the only ones to have had physical contact with you in the last four hours. Is that correct." By this point Hermione could only nod mutely and wait eagerly for Remus to go on, sick or not her thrist for knowledge was insatiable.

"The Weasley's, like all other wizarding born families have been taught the protocal for PSSWs since they were children, no doubt Arthur has already contacted the Ministry and an emergency bulletin has been sent out. You are probably wondering why all the panic if the disease isn't dangerous? Well while only a painful annoyance to the people who catch it the PSSWs can be devestatingly dangerous to an ecomony due to how contagious it is. If left unchecked it could spread unchecked through the entire country in a week, bringing everything to a complete halt." Hermione gasped as she fully realized the consequences of all of Wizarding Britain being unable to do anything for an entire month, it would be chaos.

"Now to explain the disease itself. After first contact the PSSWs can goes completely unnoticed for up to four hours in which it is contagious by physical contact only. After that time frame purple spots appear on the skin. Nothing more happens for another twenty-four hours and then the sneezing fits start. It is during this stage that the disease becomes a real hazard as it becomes tranferable by air and sticks to everything, hence the complete isolation. The sneezing only lasts for another day and is followed by the last and most painful stage, wheezing. While again this stage only lasts for a day it is virtually non-stop and pretty much turns your thoat into a raw mess. Lucky for us a simple spell can cure that right up at the end of that hour." Remus indicated that he was through 'lecturing' and inclined his head in Hermione's direction, waiting patiently for the questions that would follow.

"So if the symptoms only last for three days why are we going to be stuck here for an entire month?" Remus smiled warmly at her before he answered, and Hermione felt her heart flutter in her chest.

"Because after the disease has gone airborn is remains highly contagious until it finally fades away, this entire process takes about a month. Now, since I'm sure that we're not hungry anymore I suggest we get cleaned up and go to bed, it's going to be a long night tomorrow and we'll need all the good sleep we can get.

"I'm so sorry about all this." Her crestfallen expression had both of the men reaching out to hug her.

"It's quite alright turtle-dove, I couldn't think of anyone else I'd like to suffur a sickness with then the two of you. And if you have a nightmare just remember that you can come and climb in the bed with Uncle Sirius." Hermione chuckled at the thought of her crawling in the bed with the two of them like a little girl and the chuckle swiftly turned into full blown laughter when Remus swatted Sirius upside the head. Kissing them both on the cheek she excused herself and headed to her room. Head full of thoughts she unpacked mindlessly and changed into her nightgown. As she slid beneath the covers she thought that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, after all she was pretty sure that Sirius at least slept in the buff.

"Maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all."


End file.
